Dean barks and Lucifer pouts
by Kajune
Summary: When a witch casts a nasty spell on Dean, another day of craziness ensues at the Singer house.


**Title** : Dean barks and Lucifer pouts

 **Disclaimer** : I do not own any of the Characters of Supernatural.

 **Genre** : Humor

 **Warning** : OOCness.

 **Summary** : When a witch casts a nasty spell on Dean, another day of craziness ensues at the Singer house.

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 **Author's Note** : I'm not too happy with the title, but I do hope it is suitable and the story is fun to read. Enjoy~

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Witches are nasty.

They can do a whole bunch of things and if you're unlucky, you wouldn't know what hit you until you either lost a limb, lost your soul or lost your life. The more powerful the witch, the more annoying he or she is. Good witches are almost nonexistent, so Bobby rarely gives a thought of the witch he's hunting has any good in them.

Witches are evil, he always says.

Killing them is a bit easier compared to most creatures, but that doesn't help much because they often look identical to a normal human being. Some are pretty, the men are handsome, while a few others look old and worn out, but it's the former that witch-related cases often involve.

Bobby hates them most for their spell casting, and what the witches can do with it.

The worst he's suffered was being turned into a frog, simply because he looked at the witch funny. Sam and Dean managed to force the old hag to change him back, and nearly too late, for Bobby remembers spending at least a week trying to lose his newfound taste for flies.

Today, a witch didn't manage to do anything to Bobby, and Bobby didn't manage to do anything to it. The problem was, it got Dean, and now Dean is on four legs and has a tendency to bark.

"Make. It. Stop!"

Sam cries from where he's perched on the kitchen countertop, the palm of his hands pressed painfully against his ears. Bobby's managed to lock Dog!Dean outside, but it's banging at the front door, growling and barking and generally making a ruckus.

Bobby, from where he is at his desk, hears the backdoor open and close and about two minutes later, Lucifer comes up from behind Dog!Dean and pulls him from the door. Sam slowly relaxes as Bobby watches, apprehensively, as the Devil walks over to a garbage bin (that he swears wasn't there before) and dumps the dog into it.

With a lid to cover the top.

"Balls!"

Bobby jumps to his feet, dislike written all over his face at the sight of Dean - as annoying as he is - being dumped like common trash by the archangel, who has the nerve to look nonchalant about the whole incident. Sam hears him and stomps over to the window, getting there before Bobby reaches the front door.

The older hunter is surprisingly unsure of what to do about this, having learned first hand what Lucifer can do when pissed. Bobby hasn't had the luxury of forgetting his previous death, and the pain it caused him.

"Lucifer!"

Sam shouts, and Lucifer turns round to face him, looking even more shameless than he did a second ago. It's times like these that Bobby wishes he had kicked Lucifer out before the archangel declared he liked the house. It's a rather impossible task but the longer the Devil stays the more trouble seems to occur.

Again, he's grateful Dean is now helplessly trying to break free from the seemingly impenetrable bin and not making a fuss outside the door, but this just seems too cold-hearted.

"What?"

Sam's glare darkens.

"You can't just put my brother in a bin like that!"

Lucifer pauses, looks back at the tall green bin like he didn't notice it before, turns back to Sam after a few blinks, and then, gives Sam a really troubled face.

"I'm sorry, Sam, but it is beyond my ability to be concerned with Dean's well-being." He pouts. "It's just so difficult, even to pretend that I _care_."

Sam seems to deflate at the statement. Either he is taken by the obviously false sweetness in the expression or he knows, just like Bobby, that he can't make Lucifer do what he doesn't want to, he can only try to teach him to do the right thing.

It was so much easier with Michael, who is even stronger than Lucifer.

And apparently more compliant.

Bobby wishes he knew when the spell was supposed to wear off, but that damn witch had made a run for it before they even realized that Dean was shrinking into the size of a dog. A golden retriever, to be exact.

"Why don't you take your brother for a walk?"

Bobby and Sam turn round to see Michael, looking horribly exhausted and nothing like a General of Heaven's army, barely on his feet, a fist against his eye to rub away the extra tiredness.

It's an idea, but will Sam agree to spending personal time with the noise that nearly drove him insane?

Sam sighs.

"If it means Dean not getting mistreated by Lucifer, then fine."

Lucifer puffs his cheeks in annoyance, though Sam doesn't seem to notice or just doesn't _care_ enough to notice.

The tall hunter exits the house and walks over toward the bin, with Lucifer a few feet away, watching him like the mere idea of letting the dog-turned human out is a personal offense to him. Or, he looks like a child who just got told off for doing something bad but doesn't agree it was bad himself.

Bobby needs to find out why so many times, the Devil is comparable to a child in terms of behavior.

The second Dean is out of the bin, is the second his barking erupts again. He's throwing his front paws out in every direction, hitting Sam without a care in the world because he's pissed and he wants to be normal and doesn't give a damn that no one present can do a thing about it.

All they can do is wait.

Sam asks for a leash and Lucifer conjures one around Dean's neck, with the handle already in Sam's hand. The hunter nods curtly at the archangel before walking off, his posture screaming the words "I wish I wasn't doing this". Meanwhile, Dog!Dean is not resisting and seems more okay with keeping a distance from the bin and its maker.

He starts barking again when they are out of sight, probably eager to get something done and not just get an excuse to be away from the house.

It's then that Bobby looks back inside and finds Michael flat on the couch.

"You really need to stop sleeping. It's ain't good."

He told this to Michael before, so did Sam, when the archangel figured he should spend free time napping all day. He needed only three days to master the ability and while most angels appear to run on an endless fuel supply, Michael has trained his body to think it needs replenishing.

Which is why, he is a mess most of the time.

This also leaves the human hunters - and he repeats, _human_ \- with the most obnoxious and self-centered archangel ever created.

"Bobby, I'm bored~!"

Lucifer sings from where he's perched on top of a car. He looks innocent and normal and genuinely in need of company, yet Bobby pales at the idea of being the one to satisfy his needs. Just waking up every morning knowing this thing is here is bad enough.

Maybe he shouldn't have let the brothers walk out.

With Michael asleep once again, and Castiel busy upstairs with who-knows-what, Bobby is left with two options: ignore the Devil and therefore get on his bad side, or appease the Devil even if it kills him anyway.

Bobby chooses the latter.

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 **Owari**


End file.
